Suffering

I have been thinking a lot about suffering lately. A wonderful pastor named Matt Chandler whose church I have attended has been diagnosed with brain cancer. I have heard several really thought provoking sermons on the subject. I attend a Christ centered 12 step program and hear weekly about the suffering my friends have gone through and go through as they allow God to heal their wounds. I have gone through a lot of pain in my life and because I was so mentally ill did not protect my children as I wish I had when they were young. It is only very recently that I have been able to forgive myself for the tragedy they have suffered in their lives. A big key to that healing was the realization they kept pounding home to me that if anything had changed in their lives they would not be the same people they are now. My children are incredible people. Watching my daughter is liking watching the Dawn rising over the darkness. And to see my son learn to be faithful and keep the same job and make thoughtful decisions about whether to change jobs is a wonderful blessing. He has friends he camps and bikes with. My daughter's children are just incredible. All this from generations of abuse, alcoholism, mental illness.
We saw a friend on New Years Eve I had not seen in years. She also has had healing from her broken marriage when her wonderful daughter who just got her master's degree said, "If you had married anyone else, I would not be the person I am."
Now I was just pondering this as I drove back from doing a few errands, and God spoke to me. Suddenly I saw just a glimpse of the huge picture. We look at our little, tiny lives and see the hard times and sometimes that is all we see. But God is fashioning generation after generation after generation of people. He is painting this enormous picture which our tiny minds can not dream. When I wanted to kill myself, I could not imagine my incredibly beautiful, intelligent, sweet grandchildren. Right now I can not imagine my great grandchildren, and their children. Who knows the impact of Matt Chandler's cancer on his grandchildren and great grandchildren? God knows and he is the one who is creating the picture. He is the one who know the end from the beginning. If we could just start to get this picture in our heart, that every hardship, every disaster is just another brush stroke on His masterpiece. It is not just our life but the effect that ripples out on the people around us and to the next generation and the next. Romans 8:18 For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with glory which shall be revealed in us. I am just going to close with that.