Well, I pretty much got the idea of blogging from my daughter, Dawn the Butcher. I come home daily and go to her bookmark to see what incredible treats she has in store for me each day. Sometimes parts of what she writes are very hard to read, but there is always such a blessing in each post for me. I was praying today and thanking God for the fact that I am alive to watch my daughter blossom into the woman she is becoming. That is the only word for the glory of what God is doing in Dawn's life. She is like a beautiful rose that is blooming and becoming more beautiful each day. God truly picked her name, she is the Dawn breaking over the darkness of the pain that was her early years.
All through my 20's, 30's, and early 40's, I was very suicidal and wanted to die. Daily I thought about killing myself and at times thought of killing my children and myself. When someone kills themselves and their family, people are always so shocked but you see I understand that place of hopelessness and darkness. I have heard those lies the enemy will whisper. You think about how miserable you are and how long you have suffered and you look at your children who are miserable and suffering. You think, my God, how can I let them suffer and be miserable for 40 or 50 or more years. No, I will just give us all peace now. I can only be eternally grateful to Jesus Christ that I made it through that very dark time in my life to a place where loving people helped me to come to know His grace and love.
I will be 60 years old in June. I have lived to see my daughter bloom and find the man she loves. I have lived to hold my grandchildren and watch them grow. I have watched my son struggle with depression, addiction, a stay in state jail, and watched him come through all the tragedy of his early life to grow and become stronger daily. I have seen the family the enemy tried to utterly destroy and tear apart, become healed and loving and closer every day. If I had had my way, I would have died long before I ever lived. I am so grateful that God had another plan. I just wish I could let everyone know that things get better. That God really does take all that garbage and make something beautiful out of it when we start taking it to Him and telling Him how we hurt.
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I am really glad you are doing this. I think it will b e good for you to process through and write about things. It really helps encourage me to hear your positive feedback about the things I am pursuing.
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