Searching for Deborah

I am going to write about the reason for the name of this blog. First I want to say I know my parents loved me and I love them. It is a sign of the immense healing Jesus Christ has done in my life that I can even say that. They just did not really love me in a very healthy way. I was abused by my family and others in many ways as a child and even adult. From a very early age I was told they had taken my self away, I was nobody, and nothing. In order to hide the fact that I felt that I was nobody, I had many masks I put on. The first thing I did on meeting anyone was try to determine what would make them happy, what they wanted from me. Then I put on the appropriate mask and gave them what they wanted.
Not long ago, my lovely daughter told me she was praying that I would be able to learn who I was. Who God had created me to be. That really hit home with me. I started thinking and praying about it. What do I like, what do I not like? What are my talents? Why don't I express them? Why do I spend all my spare time at work? Why do I feel like it is just the end of the world if I do not keep everyone around me happy? Then on the other hand, why do I let small insignificant things really upset me? What is really important to me? At 591/2, am I making time for the things that I enjoy, the things that are really important to me? I have decided I do not have a lot of time for things that I do not really enjoy. Of course I am still going to work but probably not 60 hours a week. So I am just exploring what it is like to be me.